Part II: Resetting Your Sleep After Children
In Part I: Sleep Challenges After Children, I outlined some common reasons as to why parents’ sleep gets continuously disrupted after their kids are sleeping through the night. But what can we do about it?
Addressing Sleep Challenges
While there are a range of positive sleep hygiene habits we can follow to help us get our sleep on track, it’s really imperative that we identify the root cause of our sleep issues by assessing, examining and addressing the various potential inter-related factors that may be correlated to our sleep difficulties. Sleep is individualized and thus the solutions should be personalized as well.
There are however, some general evidence-based sleep hygiene practices that work and I’ve found these things to be helpful in resetting parents’ sleep:
Reduce stress levels:
To maintain healthy sleep and overall well-being in the long-term, it’s important to reduce your stress levels on a day to day basis by finding ways to relax your mind and body. If you are stressed in the daytime, it can creep into your nights. One of the best things you can do to combat a state of anxiety and keep you grounded throughout the day is through deep breathing exercises. Breathing helps activate the parasympathetic branch in your nervous system (think rest and digest) by sending a message to your body and brain that you’re safe and you can relax. The 4-7-8 breathing method is particularly effective to use for sleep.
Other stress-reduction activities where you can integrate breathing include:
Mindfulness
Meditation
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Body Scan
Bath
Aromatherapy
Journaling can be a great way to remove some of those busy thoughts you may have that keep you up at night. There is something that happens in your brain when you actually write your thoughts and worries down - ‘transfering’ your concerns onto a piece of paper allows them to be parked for the day, clearing your mind to be in a more conducive space for sleep. Exercises like constructive worry time, practiced at the end of your work day, can be very effective.
Integrate a wind down routine:
Create a relaxing, repetitive and consistent bedtime routine. Those 30-60 minutes before bed should be a time where you are preparing your body and mind for rest. You want to induce relaxation so cortisol levels will fall. Choose activities that are not particularly stimulating - this may be folding laundry or tidying your bedroom, listening to music or a podcast, reading, breathing, yoga, etc but try and make sure that you do the same activities at the same time each day. Screen time or work should not be built into this time. When I work with clients, I suggest breaking down your wind down routine into three categories:
Tidying/prep for next day
Washing up/personal hygiene routine
Enjoyable activity that includes a relaxation component
Keep a consistent schedule:
Keeping a consistent sleep schedule is one of the most impactful changes you can make in terms of resetting your sleep. Now of course life gets in the way and our social lives, especially as parents, tend to start in the evening after our kids are put to bed but if you can generally adhere to this rule, you’ll be off to a great start. And if you had to pick either a set bedtime or wake time, a consistent wake time will be the most impactful. So set your alarm for the same time each day, that includes weekends, and try to avoid hitting the snooze button or having a nap.
Get the right light at the right time:
First thing in the morning or closely after you wake up (within 2 hours), try and get 15-30 minutes of natural sunlight. Ideally, that would be outdoors with no sunglasses as sunglasses will block some of that important light spectrum that you need. But even being in front of a bright window or turning on bright lights in the home will help. Getting another boost of sunlight around midday (or really anytime you can steal time outdoors in the daytime) will help keep you energized and boost your mood. Exposure to sunshine will also help your body absorb nutrients. In the evening however, limit your exposure to artificial light in your home environment. Put your lights on dimmers or use lamps if possible when the sun goes down and aim to restrict the use of screens or other devices emitting blue light approximately 30-60 minutes before bed. If you’re not able to do this, a happy medium is to use blue-light blocking glasses or set your devices to night shift mode.
Why should you reset your sleep?
As parents, we’re often looking after everyone else but leaving our own needs unattended and this can have consequences, especially in the case of sleep disruption as it’s so closely interconnected to our physical and mental well being. In short, we need to sleep well to be our best selves so we can show up for our families.
Sleep Better, Parent Better
You getting the rest you need will have a positive knock on effect for the whole family. There are so many benefits of sleeping well in terms of raising your children:
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When we sleep well we’re in a better mood and have a more positive outlook on life. We’re more resilient in the face of stressors and our emotional regulation is in check. As a result, we’re better role models for emotional regulation in our children.
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During sleep, our bodies and our minds heal and our immunity gets boosted. Muscles and tissues get repaired. Hunger hormones are balanced and we’re less likely to gain weight if we get sufficient sleep. Our bodies physically feel better and we have more energy. We know how much energy is required to parent so by getting a good night’s rest, we’re actually physically preparing ourselves for the demands of the day.
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Our memory gets repaired during sleep, we have stronger attention spans and our creativity gets boosted - these are HUGE parenting skills! If you’ve slept well, think how much more engaged you can be in play with your young child, which is an essential part of their development. Sleep improves our productivity levels, which is useful in order to tackle the never ending household tasks! We make less impulsive and risky decisions. And we make better choices, whether it’s what we’re eating or feeding our kids or whether we decide to get physical activity.
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Our relationships improve, which is extremely important, especially if you’re co-parenting with someone else. Sleep helps the brain process your emotions and memories from the day. We tend to be more patient and have a greater ability to listen and concentrate when we’re well rested (all components of a healthy relationship). If you have a toddler, think about how their behaviour may be altered if they miss their afternoon nap. Small issues become bigger, reactions get amplified - well, we’re not that different as adults!
Studies show that couples who sleep well are less likely to fight with their partners and are more likely to resolve difficult conflicts productively and children whose parents have higher quality relationships tend to sleep better. When I got my sleep in order, I found myself far more patient with my partner and our ability to communicate effectively improved and as a result, we were able to parent in a more collaborative way. I was generally a more calm partner and parent and more present and emotionally available to my whole family.
Want to learn more about how to implement effective sleep solutions for the WHOLE family? Stay tuned for Part III in this series…
